About 5 years in the past, I bought a name that ought to have felt like a dream. A tech startup in Singapore needed me to move up their branding for the Asia-Pacific area. The position got here with a big wage bump, the sort of title that appears nice on LinkedIn, and the possibility to work with some critically spectacular purchasers.
I keep in mind sitting at my kitchen desk in Sydney, staring on the provide e-mail, feeling this bizarre knot in my abdomen that I couldn’t fairly clarify.
Everybody round me was congratulating me earlier than I’d even determined. My spouse was supportive however quiet, watching me course of all of it. And I stored pondering: why doesn’t this really feel pretty much as good because it ought to?
That’s once I realized I used to be asking myself all of the improper questions. I used to be targeted on what the chance regarded like from the surface – the status, the cash, the profession trajectory. However I wasn’t asking the one query that truly mattered: does this match who I’m proper now?
The entice of spectacular alternatives
Right here’s what I’ve discovered from my years working with purchasers on private branding and profession transitions: we’re extremely good at being seduced by alternatives that sound good on paper.
When somebody affords us one thing that checks the traditional containers—higher title, extra money, elevated visibility—we really feel this strain to say sure. We fear that if we don’t bounce at it, we’re in some way failing or being ungrateful or not bold sufficient.
I noticed this sample continuously throughout my time on the international advertising and marketing company the place I began my profession. Proficient folks would settle for promotions or lateral strikes that regarded excellent from each angle, solely to seek out themselves depressing six months later. They’d gained one thing professionally however misplaced one thing personally, they usually couldn’t fairly put their finger on what went improper.
The issue is that we’ve been skilled to judge alternatives based mostly on exterior metrics.
We examine them to what others have, to what we predict we must always need, to some imagined model of success that we’ve absorbed from our tradition, our household, or our business. However we not often pause to ask whether or not the chance aligns with our precise values, vitality, and life circumstances at this particular second.
The query that adjustments every part
So right here it’s, the query I want I’d requested myself sooner: does this chance permit me to be extra of who I truly am, or does it require me to develop into somebody I’m not?
It sounds easy, possibly even apparent. However I promise you, it’s one of the vital clarifying questions you may ask when dealing with a giant resolution. As a result of right here’s the factor – genuine private branding isn’t about crafting some excellent exterior picture. It begins with self-awareness, with understanding who you genuinely are and what it’s good to thrive.
This query forces you to get trustworthy concerning the hole between the individual you might be and the individual the chance wants you to be. And generally that hole is energizing – it’s a stretch that helps you develop in instructions you genuinely wish to discover. However generally that hole is a chasm, and crossing it means forsaking important components of your self.
Once I sat with that Singapore provide, I spotted it might require me to develop into extra company, extra keen to journey continuously, extra snug with the sort of aggressive networking that drains me.
It wasn’t that I couldn’t do these issues – I most likely may have. However doing them would have meant suppressing components of myself that I’d labored arduous to grasp and worth.
My multicultural background gave me this capacity to adapt to totally different environments, however it additionally taught me that adaptation shouldn’t imply abandonment of self.
What “being your self” truly means
I have to be cautious right here as a result of “be your self” has develop into a type of empty phrases that sounds good however doesn’t assist a lot. Once I speak about being your self within the context of profession choices, I’m speaking about one thing particular: understanding your core working system.
By my teaching work and post-graduate research in management and private growth, I’ve come to see that we every have specific methods we create our greatest work, particular environments the place we flourish, and sure values that we are able to’t compromise with out feeling hole.
That’s your working system. And each alternative both works with it or towards it.
For me, I found that I would like time for deep pondering and significant one-on-one conversations. I do my finest work once I may help people discover readability quite than managing massive groups or enjoying company politics.
I have to be dwelling for dinner with my children and to take our golden retriever for walks the place I can course of my ideas. These aren’t luxuries – they’re necessities for me to indicate up as my finest self.
The Singapore position would have disrupted all of that. Not as a result of the corporate was unhealthy or the work wasn’t priceless, however as a result of the chance basically misaligned with how I’m constructed.
The price of the improper sure
I’ve watched too many individuals say sure to the improper alternatives, and the sample is at all times comparable. At first, there’s pleasure and novelty. Then comes the gradual erosion – they begin feeling drained in ways in which sleep doesn’t repair, they develop into irritable with the folks they love, they lose the spark that made them good at what they do within the first place.
Brené Brown talks about this in her work on authenticity and vulnerability. She factors out that once we persistently betray our personal values or wants for exterior validation, we find yourself dwelling in a relentless state of low-grade anxiousness. We’re performing a model of ourselves that different folks would possibly admire, however we don’t acknowledge the individual within the mirror.
I noticed this throughout my advertising and marketing days, working with tech startups and life-style manufacturers. The founders who succeeded long-term weren’t at all times those who took each investor assembly or stated sure to each partnership. They have been those who stayed clear about what they have been constructing and why, even when different paths regarded shinier.
The improper sure doesn’t simply have an effect on your profession – it ripples by means of every part. Your relationships endure since you’re not totally current. Your well being declines since you’re working on stress hormones.
Your creativity dries up since you’re spending all of your vitality sustaining a persona that doesn’t fairly match.
reply the query truthfully
Asking your self whether or not a possibility aligns with who you might be is one factor. Answering it truthfully is one other.
Right here’s how I’ve discovered to do it, each for myself and thru guiding my teaching purchasers:
First, get particular about what the chance truly requires. Not the job description on paper, however the actual every day expertise.
- Who would it’s good to be?
- What would your days appear to be?
- What components of your self would get amplified?
- What components would have to be tucked away?
Second, test in along with your physique. I do know this sounds a bit summary, however Simon Sinek talks about trusting your intestine emotions for good purpose – they’re typically choosing up on patterns that your acutely aware thoughts hasn’t totally processed but.
While you think about your self on this new position, do you are feeling energized or drained? Excited or anxious? There’s a distinction between good nervous vitality and the sort of dread that’s making an attempt to let you know one thing.
Third, speak to somebody who is aware of you properly and isn’t invested in your resolution. My spouse didn’t inform me what to do about Singapore, however she requested me questions that helped me see what I already knew. Generally we want another person to replicate again to us what they’re observing.
Lastly, contemplate what you’d be saying no to. Each sure can also be a no to one thing else. What would you lose by taking this path? And are you genuinely okay with that loss, or are you simply telling your self you ought to be?
What I selected and what I discovered
I turned down the Singapore provide. It wasn’t simple, and a part of me nonetheless puzzled if I used to be making a mistake. However right here’s what occurred as an alternative: I went deeper into the private branding consulting work I’d been exploring. I began working workshops and providing one-on-one teaching.
I constructed one thing that aligned with who I truly am—somebody who loves serving to folks discover their genuine voice and talk with readability.
Would the opposite path have been profitable? Possibly. Most likely, even. However it wouldn’t have been mine.
Conclusion
Not each alternative is supposed for you, even when it seems excellent from the surface. And that’s not simply okay—it’s important to acknowledge. The alternatives that truly deserve your sure are those that allow you to increase quite than contract, that ask you to develop with out requiring you to desert the core of who you might be.
Earlier than you say sure to your subsequent large factor, sit with this query for some time: does this chance permit me to be extra of who I truly am, or does it require me to develop into somebody I’m not?
Your trustworthy reply will let you know every part it’s good to know.
And right here’s one thing to attempt: write down three non-negotiable points of your life or persona that any alternative must accommodate. Not your wishlist, however your necessities. Then have a look at your present resolution by means of that lens. You is perhaps shocked by what turns into clear.
The precise alternatives aren’t at all times the shiniest ones. Generally they’re those that really feel like coming dwelling to your self.